TpT Sale!

Perfect timing because I am feeling the love from so many of my followers and others discovering and purchasing in my store.  Since January 2014 I have never gone a month without a sale...even if it was only as small as $2 it has made a huge difference!

I've been very sale happy in the last few months and more will be coming for a very good reason that I will share in a few months!

Get your sale on and share the love!

Happy CMEA

Quick post! The CMEA conference starts today!  Sadly, I am not going this year but it is always a fun time full of new learning!

I chose not to go this year because my school has been overly generous (which I am truly grateful for) with the support they give me for professional development, and I have a few conferences coming up in the next year that I want to attend, plus my last level of Orff this summer. But to all attending, have a fantastic conference!

To celebrate CMEA my TpT Store is on sale from the 25th - 28th.  All my resources are 20% off!

Resource #100

Just a short post today.  This is a busy week with a lot going on.

I am so excited to share my 100th resource in my TpT Store!  I didn't even realize I was at that number until I looked over my statistics page!  I began selling on TpT in 2012 and it was slow going.  It took about a year to gain momentum and since January 2014 I have not gone a month without a sale.  I am not at the level of some of the incredible teacher-authors on there but every little bit I have earned has helped.  What gives me more satisfaction is that so many people have purchased my resources and the valuable feedback I've gotten.  It feels really good to know that other kids get to use my resources and it is helping them learn and enjoy music.

CMEA 2017 - Day 1

To Begin:

Shameless Plug for my TpT Store!

15% Off During CMEA

It has been 3 years since I attended the CMEA Conference. I was excited to read the list of clinicians and knew I had to get back.  And it just so happened that if fell on two days where I wouldn't need to make sub plans.  Today at school was a half day so I wouldn't be teaching, and tomorrow is a data day for staff so it worked out perfectly.

As always the first person I run into is my cooperating teacher from my student teaching days.  When he asks, as he always does about where I'm at, it only then dawns on me how much I've done in 10 years.  4 different charter schools, 4 different music programs developed, ELL certification, Professional Licensures, WMD, and Orff training; it's a lot, and most of it in the last 5 years.

I also ran into my other cooperating teacher (the drama that was my student teaching experience does not need to be explained) asked me the same questions about where I was and what I was doing.  Both were genuinely shocked that I was not an elementary teacher when I had worked with them as a band student teacher. and so was I when I came to the realization that I enjoyed it more.

Both of them asked me the same question "are you happy?"  Had I come to CMEA last year my answer would have been no.  I probably would have said yes, but with hesitation, but this year I was able to confidently say yes without any doubt.  I keep saying it:  the kids are happy, they are making leaps and bounds in their academic growth, my workload is less, everyone is happy with what I'm doing.  While I loved my old school the middle schoolers were wearing me down on top of the hormonal swings I had experienced since my two stillbirths and subsequent surgery, I was shocked to want to make the change to elementary.  But Orff is magical and I can't get enough of it.

Today I am Happy because...

• I needed a brave face for the first hour of the day. By the end of my first class the brave face was gone and I was singing and dancing with my students and genuinely happy.
• All but two of my students came to school today (99.1% attendance)
• Music makes everything a little easier
• My students love a challenge
• Kindergartners dance like no one is looking...even at lunchtime
• Bonds and mill levys passed which means a turf field and a gymnasium for my school
• Denver overwhelmingly passed the mill levy and bonds while suburban districts flat out rejected similar measures or barely passed them.
• I live in a progressive state in a city that is growing and embracing progress in all directions.
• My husband loves me and I love him.  We weathered our first two years of marriage suffering the loss of our son and daughter we never got to meet...we can get through anything 
• I have had the amazing privilige to have gone to high school and college with and incredible mixed bunch of compassionate, mindful, and forward-thinking men and women of all sizes, colors, cultures, and beliefs. We grew up and cleaned up nicely.
• I saw what the map would have looked like if only Millenials could vote and I have never been more proud of my first students who got to vote for the first time.  I have a great amount of hope because I know these kids, I know their hearts and they will bring a powerful change that will be more powerful than the one we are coping with now.

I cannot say today was a hard day.  By far my hardest day was six years ago comforting my students after another student we all loved so much was brutally murdered. It still hurts more than anything I've ever experienced in 32 years on this earth, more so than when my babies died.  Today I felt more like an adult than I ever felt responding to an election; I felt resonsible.  

It is only the fourth presendital election I have ever voted in. My first was in college as a sophomore in 2004...I had no idea what I truly wanted to do with my life and was just figuring out what I stood for, and, well, I was more focused on getting through colllege more than anything else.  In 2008 I felt inspired because I helped make history.  In 2012 I felt it an obligation, not entirely enthusiastic. In my 5th year teaching I had not seen the changes come that I wanted for my students and the entire education system; that is when I began to accept that the system would not change for my students and that schools on their own would have to find a way to make that happen without the help of the government. This year as a democrat I did my part but I went into it not at all excited, just happy to have sent my ballot in and ready for it all to be over. With all the tensions that already existed I just felt that we would feel optimistic for a while and then drift back into stagnation. Years ago I chose to stay away from negative energy, which held me back from getting active in anything involving politics or social justice.  For my own sanity I have to do this, but I am resolved to speak up more, motivate, and inspire the best way I can.

5am comes fast, and my little ones don't wait.  I have a job to do that is more important than any job of an elected official. My job never stops....my vocation is needed...it will always be needed.

The "Black" Educator I Have Become

Please excuse my departure from inspiring anecdotes or TpT plugs.

This is going to be a long one. This will probably get personal.  I'm well aware that people may grossly disagree with me.  Heaven forbid this goes viral and I get more attention for this than I want but given the climate in this country and suddenly looking out at my various classes during the day and seeing a bigger rainbow of little faces and see in some of them that they are connecting with me not just because music class is so much fun (pardon my personal bias) but also because I look like them has never struck me more than it has this year.

Historically my school building has been a draw for mostly Latino students.  As the neighborhood gentrifies the cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds of my students are changing.  With the reputation of the new charter in the building with it's first school located in a historically Black neighborhood has spurred more African American families into this neighborhood. It has caused some tension but, kids adapt well and are willing to learn more about their new classmates and accept their similarities and differences.

This year with our transition and in the 6 years in the building I have never seen a bigger mix of Black and Latino kids in the building than I have this year. I saw it for the first time this year: some of the kids' eyes say it all "my teacher looks like me" and I have never felt more responsibility to this group of students like I do now.

But I feel like an impostor.  I know I shouldn't. but I do.

So allow me to digress into my background for a moment because that is what sheds light on my perspectives:

• I am mixed. My dad is Black, my mom is White.
• My parents were for the most part disowned by their extended families because of who they chose to marry (this was in 1983)
• My mom's family eventually came around, and I was raised in an Italian-Irish culture. I don't have a connection with my father's family aside from my grandma.
• I grew up in Westchester county in NY...basically the suburbs of NYC.  I was surrounded by Italians and Irish.  I went to Catholic school and was the only non-white kid in the school.
• I never had an interaction with a person of any other background other than Italian or Irish until we moved to New Mexico
• In New Mexico as I was entering middle school I first attended school with Latino, Asian,  Atheist, Agnostic, Jewish, Indian, and Native American classmates.
• In New Mexico I was never asked "what are you?" because truly, no one cared. I had no label and I liked it that way.
• I say I grew up "raceless" in New Mexico. It's an interesting place in many ways, and what stands out to me the most is a sense of belonging to something bigger. The undeniable knowledge and energy of living on Native land and the unspoken expectation of all people living there to respect and honor the Native traditions deeply rooted to the land, along with the Spanish traditions that were there long before pioneers found their way out West.
• My Black father was not proud of his heritage, at least from what I was told. This stems from bad blood with his family. It stems from coming up from nothing, becoming highly educated and still feeling like a second class citizen. So he chose to distance himself from his community.  My mom once told me once of the worst things I could do in my father's eyes was bring home a Black boyfriend. My dad once said to me "those boys are nothing but trouble." Keep in mind my dad's perspective and upbringing: born in 1934 in the South to a single teen mom, surrounded by alcoholism, and more I probably will never know. My dad worked his way to a masters degree and never felt respected by his family and a lot more that doesn't need to be shared; I understand now where a lot of the resentment comes from.
• I was educated in private school.  First Catholic school, then a secular 6-12 private school in New Mexico that is still one of the best in the country, and then a private liberal arts college for both undergrad and graduate school.  I viewed public schools as where the "bad kids" went - a place where I wouldn't learn. Understanding how money works now had I known how much my parents sacrificed and worked hard for to put my sister and I through private school, I would have happily gone to public school and worked my ass off if it meant more financial stability for my family.

I still cannot fully explain what drew me to teach in urban schools. Given my upbringing, it seems I should fit better in the 'burbs, for sure I could have gotten a job there simply based on my skin color, because "diversity is great" so say the white-bread school districts.  Thanks, but no thanks, I don't want to be the token tan faculty member who is elevated every time a school or district needs to show how diverse they are.

I never experienced any discrimination because if it was occurring, I had a White mother putting people in their place.  The constant phrase I remember hearing from her was "be glad her father isn't having this conversation with us.  I know that I was raised to see myself as no different than any other person. New Mexico allowed me to find my identity without a race label.  I have never experienced someone White discriminating me to my face....making assumptions, yes, but I'm stubborn enough to put them in the place in that moment, and I know for sure that some people really don't like their prejudices pointed out to them, but I pride myself on knowing who I am without the race label, and I will not be categorized.

I have been chastised by African Americans for talking White, acting White, and the worst travesty to some: marrying a White guy. A neighbor commented to me once, "I gotta give your husband props...a White guy marrying a girl like you and living in the 'hood."  First off....homeboy needed to look around the block and the neighborhood; it hasn't been the "hood" for a good long time.  The "'hood" is only a few blocks away but even then, what I know of the "'hood", Denver's barely scrape the surface compared to LA, Chicago, or the Bronx.

But I also see and understand that for some minorities this is not the case.  Because they are darker than me, because they have an accent, because English is not their preferred language because they cannot pull off the minority ambiguity like I can.  It is not easy for everyone to climb up from the bottom like my father, it's not all grit, it's also access. I have never had a negative encounter with a police officer, I was not taught to fear the police.

I was also not taught to play the victim card every time an injustice was done.  I am not saying that I believe that some minorities default to coupling the outcries of injustice with victimization.  In the past year and further back there are victims, thousands, except now it is being streamed for the whole world to see as it unfolds.

I am not perfect.  I had my misconceptions about different ethnicities like anyone not exposed to them and so goes the line from Avenue Q "everyone's a little bit racist". But I try to learn about what I don't know no matter ho uncomfortable it may make me or even if I disagree with a position.

So how do I teach my African American, mixed, Latino, Native American, Asian, and White students? How do I have those conversations with my kids who feel discriminated? My first approach is the empathy approach, "try to see it from another's perspective", "assume the best first"? Those don't feel like they fit our cultural climate at the moment. Kids can't be too quick to make the assumption that they are being targeted or simply that because someone white is saying it that it is automatically racist.  But at the same time, that fire of social justice is getting bigger inside me and I want my students to stand up to the injustices but in a smart way; stay true to yourself and your cause but be so street smart and so book smart that no one has a choice but to listen to you.  It's a work in progress for me.

I hear the echoes of "All Lives Matter" and while I agree, I also see that when one group is so marginalized, constantly targeted, constantly killed, constantly blamed for the problems in our society, do all lives really matter? I'm not on the All Lives Matter train because I see that for those that call out that phrase that it's only the lives that they deem worthy.  If all lives mattered those people should be standing alongside the BLM protesters

At the end of the day, all I want is for my students to get to their goals and be happy with themselves.  But there is so much they have to carry with them: the first in their families to graduate, to get a degree, to stay out of prison, to purchase a home, to gain their citizenship, and so much more.  That is nothing I had to accomplish on top of just getting a bachelor's degree.  I am immersing myself so much into the movements in the world today to find a way to build their strength, their perseverance, their belief, and their hope.

I do more than just teach.  I have no choice. I have to do more.

The Roll Out

I have come to the end of a grueling 6 weeks of professional development - the kids come back on Tuesday.

Although my summer was short it feels like my downtime was months ago.

I began with my Level I Orff training which was one of the most amazing experience I've had in quite some time. I'm pumped to move on to Level II and III; I just hope I can find the money and there are no gaps in time.  I find myself still processing everything and then getting overwhelmed by how many choices I have.  I never knew what a full brain felt like until then.

Immediately after I finished Level I I was attending my new school's Summer Institute as they call it.  This caused more anxiety than I wanted. I was still wondering if I was making the right choice, I was worried about how I would be received as a returning teacher from the school that was being turned around by this new charter.  I can happily say it wasn't what I expected.

Day one was discussion of why we are here, what is happening in the community and where our students stand.  I was re-invigorated, angered that in 10 years there was still so much that needed to be done.  I was angry because I'm truly a part of the community.  I live less than a mile from my school, this is not just a community I serve, the stakes are higher because I live here too.  I also felt the other staff there with me fill with the same kind of energy to move mountains.

I'm in a strange place now as I move into my 10th year teaching and I'm now one of the older teachers in the building, which is unnerving to me but I felt nothing but support and respect from everyone in helping me to hone my skills and in seeking me out to learn about the kids and what led my school to close. It has been a while since I was around such eager teachers and so immediately supportive of each other.

The energy is good.

I have a lot to do in learning the school culture and firm up my skills while building a stronger music curriculum.  It's a lot to do but I'm willing to do it.

There isn't much more for me to say as my mind is going full speed remembering what I need to do for the day tomorrow and get set for the kids on Tuesday.