The final bell has rung of final year of my school, my room is empty of my things and I'm in awe that I managed to consolidate my personal items to four average-sized bins. I'm also relieved that I will be returning to my classroom next year so I can take my time to inventory what I have. I can't believe how much I acquired in 5 years personally and purchased for me by the school.
Again the bittersweet feelings come up knowing that today I leave this building for 6 weeks and when I come back it will essentially be a new building. New school, new people. I am not as doubtful or hesitant as I was a few weeks ago about choosing to stay on with the new charter program coming in (which is an entirely different post I am working on). It goes without saying I will miss a lot of the people in this building. We lost a lot of staff and returning last August was a major struggle for me not seeing "my people"; I am bracing for a lot of emotions this time. It is hard to feel as emotional as others might knowing I will be back, I'll still have our kids.
The biggest jump I'll be making in my career is being exclusively an elementary music teacher. My heart fell away from teaching middle school. I hate to lay that change of heart on my students but that is where a lot of it stems from. Without a doubt I have fantastic middle school students. Once struggling through toxic classmates and the general hormones of 6th and 7th grade my now 8th graders, my original 4th graders have come back around to being incredible kids; I just wish it hadn't taken so long for them to get themselves in order.
The effort to motivate my middle schoolers to work independently and be ok in failing at first was emotionally exhausting. Not to mention having to cope with my own emotional struggles away from work over the last 3 years, I realize how overwhelmed I truly was. When I did finally step away and declare to the kids "after (x number) of years of practicing and me guiding you through all of this, you have to now work this out on your own" did I see a select group of them buckle down and struggle to success. It was the ones (not many however) who gave up once I stepped back who wore me out.
And then a year ago my first KIPPsters graduated. As I sat and listened to their speeches and their principal list the massive number of college acceptances, amazing test scores, scholarships, and their contributions to their school and community (this also does not count my kids who did not stay at KIPP but continued to be high achievers at their respective schools) did I realize that these 80 kids completely skewed my mindset of how middle school students should be.
Yes through middle school they had their moments of defiance and general lack of common sense, but they were very easy to talk to and rationalize with on how some choices might not have been good to make. They accepted their consequences and grew from them. They clung to their teachers for support whenever they needed it which is why I am still in contact with so many of them. They were/are the right group of kids that ended up in the same class together at the right school to help them to their full potential. I was at the right school in my first year of teaching to see what a school should be for urban students.
This is not the case with the middle schoolers I have encountered in the last 7 years. Not to say that they are worse than my KIPPsters, but maybe more immature? Not in the best school environment?Not the best community environment? Too quick to expect to have it their way? I still cannot quite figure it out. There is definitely A LOT happening outside of the school building that I really believe impacts my students, but again, that is for another post.
When I began teaching at my current school 5 yeas ago I had just discovered the real power of Orff. I loved it and I still do. When I saw how it really got my little ones learning and producing music I knew I wanted to be an Orff teacher. Before I knew I was staying put and I began looking for other job options I cringed slightly with the idea of teaching middle school. It is a complete turn around from where I was when I began teaching when I would cringe at the thought of teaching elementary school.
I am in awe that as I close out year 9 of how much I have grown as a teacher and how much I have changed in my wants and strengths in being a music teacher. I still miss conducting and wish I could do it more often, but I'm being pulled in this direction so away I go!
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