Reflections on My 10-Year Reunion

I did not go to my high school reunion in 2012. The date was all wrong, life was hectic,  I didn't want to drive to New Mexico. I knew one day my 10-year college reunion would come and I was unsure of what I would do; I couldn't see that far ahead.

Before I knew it it was 2015, my first students had graduated and gone off to college. I had decided to stay with my school through its closure. My husband and I  also decided to wait on more children after the stillbirth of our son in 2014 and miscarrying a daughter 8 months later. Fully recovered from a surgery to hopefully help my issues this past November and making the decision to stay in my building with the new charter program for this next school year I realized it was now 2016 and my college reunion was upon me.

I had an odd relationship with my alma mater while I was attending. I was excited to attend all through my senior year, then I realized I wanted to teach music and wasn't sure if I was in the right school for that. I was not ultra feminine or ultra feminist and found myself struggling to find my place in college and in a women's college of all places. By nature I am quiet and solitary; I greatly value the time I get to myself and I had a lot in college because I found myself not finding a niche right away.

When I began my college track career I found my place not so much at Scripps but as a part of CMS Athletics, a combining of three of the Claremont Colleges. We did the math once and when we combined the hours dedicated to meets, in-season practice, and off-season practice we found we spent more time on the track than we did in class; this doesn't even count the hours we spent as a team meeting up for dinner, brunch, and parties. But a Scripps athlete was a rare sight when I was there. I will never forget my senior year when the school put on an end-of-year reception for Scripps athletes: the turnout was small.  Myself and a few other track/xc teammates were there and acknowledged how few of us there were and how disappointing it was to see that.  As I returned this weekend I was pleased to see in the student store more CMS apparel and throughout the year the Scripps Facebook page highlighted the accomplishments not only of the Scripps athletes but the CMS Athenas as a whole; there was none of that when I was a student. The new athletic center has helped to encourage wellness and I think the mentality towards serious female athletes who attended Scripps has changed drastically as well. We are no longer overly muscular oddballs who are constantly mistaken for CMC students.  We are Scripps Women and we are Scripps Athletes.

So because of that not so enthusiastic reception I faced on campus as an athlete I found myself with my teammates at CMC more often and I bonded with them quicker. This did not stop me from making strong connections with Scripps classmates but they were quick to point out that once track season was in effect, I was pretty much MIA unless I had a class with my friends. I hope it does not sound like I'm dismissing the bond I made with many wonderful women at Scripps and that I still have, just at the time, balancing them and track was a challenge.

As my students grew, and in particular as my girls grew I realized that I truly was a Scripps woman with a touch of athletic grit and severe bluntness thanks to my track coach. I wanted my girls to be strong and go after an education so they could stand on their own no matter who came in or out of their lives. My student Gaby once pointed out to me how impressed she was that I had survived a year unemployed, found a new job, troubling relationships, and was on my way to purchasing a house all on my own. She then said to me "You did it all on your own. I want to do that too." Even though in that moment I didn't realize that my determination was shaped by Scripps, I was proud that I appeared to my girls as a strong accomplished woman at a time in my life where I was truly struggling to know myself and figure out the path I should take.

Walking around campus taking in the flood of memories it really hit me how lucky I was to be able to attend a school like Scripps. Not just because of the stunning beauty of the campus but also because of the drive to learn as much as I could and to love learning. I wasn't a stellar student, no Dean's List or Cum Laude for me but I was passing my classes and bigger than that, I was learning.  Even though I didn't do well at keeping touch with some of my classmates, when we all came back together it was like no time had passed at all. Each year that goes by and the more I perfect my craft of teaching and also seeing the struggle of kids affording college and schools failing to make kids college ready I find my appreciation for my high school and my college growing. Whether I realized it at the time, probably not, college was the catalyst for shaping who I became and am still becoming.

I never was a fan of reunions, but mark my words, I will come back to my Alma Mater now for every milestone reunion.

March Madness...literally

So have you ever had those times where everything is dumped on you at once?  I'm having a DAY like that and it doesn't look like it will be any different for the next two weeks.  All of a sudden there is too much to do and not enough time or money to get it all done. My normal  level of exhaustion pretty much quadrupled in the last week: countless appointments to make, different schedules starting this week up to spring break, and also trying to find the tuition to finally take my Orff levels classes. On top of that, throw in the time change and not getting enough sleep and I really don't know how I'm still typing somewhat coherent sentences.

So as I regroup for the spring I decided to give my TpT store a boost with sales for the month of March. I am also challenging myself with my activity level and meeting financial goals to pay for my Orff levels.  So far I've been on a roll in my TpT store and I always appreciate the support so much.

Be on the look out for new anchor charts in my store as well once the chaos of the grind up to spring break!

A Hip-Hop Prediction

I was very happy with myself around 2009 when I predicted that the next "Era" in Hip-Hop would be one where artist collaborated with other hip-hop artists and artists from different genres.....and I was right! But. This collaborative era has full exhausted itself to the point I do not listen to much of it anymore.

As I researched the different styles in Hip-Hop and mapped the eras it was hard to give exact dates when the eras changed they seemed to begin evolving every 10 years. And that 10 year mark is slowly approaching.

In the last two months I've noticed something new in the genre developing, and that is the re-emergence of the original Hip-Hop creators. I noticed it first with Macklemore's single "Downtown" which featured Melle Mell, Kool Mo Dee, and Grandmaster Caz; my husband and I thoroughly geeked out when they performed on The Tonight Show as well. The excitement continued a few weeks ago when my husband found Missy Elliot's new music video which was just as wacky as I remember them from middle and high school and instantly contagious. Tribe Called Quest and Talib Kweli performed on The Tonight Show most recently tonight on The Tonight Show, Kool Keith was sitting in with The Roots!

What is going on!?! I absolutely love this new trend and hope it keeps up. The production is innovative yet stays true to what that artist or group was all about, the lyrical delivery is leaps and bounds from of the monotone broken fluency younger rappers deliver their lyrics with.

If this has been happening for a while and is just now gaining momentum I really, really hope it keeps up!

About 3 more years to the 10 year mark I noted, so we shall see....

Cue the Tears

Tears of joy at least...

I was quiet birthday for me which I was happy to take after the festivities of my 30th last year.

As it has become customary, my facebook page was flooded with happy birthday wishes the ones that got me the most were from my kids....my first 5th grade students who are now getting ready to graduate from high school in the spring.

Where did the time go?  I still does not seem that long.

Aside from time moving so quickly, is seeing the stunning young men and women they've turned into, not just in appearance but in spirit as well.

To have some of them still stay in touch with me for so long, enough to write a college essay about me, and ask me to write them recommendations for scholarships and colleges after only teaching them for two years....I must have done something right.

They keep me going when so much seems so difficult.

Preparing for a Sub......

Something new this semester is the creation of a Sub Binder. I had a basic one going but all the teachers have been asked to make a very detailed one.

For me that means an obnoxious amount of extra lessons since I don't know if a sub will have a music background and I have trust issues both with some of my students and subs.  Having been a sub for a year I completely get the paranoia now and I'm trying my best to be as detailed as possible without overwhelming someone but that's proving to be tricky.

My go-to lesson has always been a musical movie.  But my former principal nixed that and then laptops started to not have CD/DVD drives which made that even harder.  I also have a very old unreliable stereo that just collects dust in my room

Teachers Pay Teachers has some great sub plans that I've purchased that have been my lifesavers with one small problem:  audio recordings.  I can easily make a CD which I have for some but the CD player on my stereo is not the greatest.  That was my only snag when it came to some of the awesome activities I had purchased.

As I was cleaning out my desk at home I came across mine and my husband's collection of old iPods that had been replaced by iPads and phones.  I had been meaning to bring them back to the Apple store for recycling and store credits and I just never got around to it.  Then it all came to me:  PLAYLISTS!

One of those things that I should have thought of instantly and would have made my life so much easier when I had to take time off before.  Here's hoping my iPod I bought in 2009 can tough it out

Something I'm Working On....

Keep an eye out on my TpT for a new addition....one of my favorite songs and I never thought to teach it to my kids!  What was I thinking?!?

Transitions.....

The first semester definitely tested my patience and perseverance as I battled my personal emotions and some unwilling students.  But ultimately the majority of my students are finally performing a the level they should be at.  Now if only  I could figure out those middle school kids who seem to think resisting any attempt to try something new my excitement at teaching them would go up so much.

Over the years as I've grown to become more familiar with Kodaly and Orff the more I find myself enjoying K-5 music more that I thought and maybe High School is a more viable option.  I was lucky in my first two years teaching to have awesome middle school students and it seems that it's gone downhill since then.  I don't know if it's my level of patience, the community, the kids' cultural background, their view of school at this age, or all of the above.  I still wish my middle schoolers could choose their electives which would make a tremendous impact, but who knows.  There is so much stacked against them and a lot of them don't help themselves by resisting any new lesson we teach them.  There are too many factors at play and if one is not resolved, none of them can be.

But despite the strides I've made and the confidence I've found as a teacher in these last for years I find myself in a strange position.

My school will be making big transitions in the next two years.  The details of all of it I do not need to go into.  It has been a very emotional and tense few weeks since our board of directors announced the changes to ours and our administration's surprise.

But such is the nature of charter schools:  they don't meet the expectations of excellence above the district schools, changes are made.  The ones coming are the most drastic in the school's history.

It's left me wondering about the progress of schools in this urban community.  There are very few performing well, charter and district alike and I wonder if governing boards and administrations have stopped and wondered if the issue goes beyond the school walls.

As biased as it could be, I know I work with a very dedicated group of teachers, probably the most determined staff I've seen since I began teaching there, and I am seeing the kids grow tremendously, but just not quick enough to satisfy the powers that be. I'm sure in neighboring schools there are other great things happening but the results are still the same.  So what is the problem?  Culture? Community? Motivation? School? Teaching? Leading? Curriculum? Language?

I think it's all of it.  And unfortunately some of these issues we are in control of and others we are not.  All of these elements of education must be working together and if one is not there then the rest is harder to influence. My school issue isn't just our own, it's the whole community of schools in the area.

Change is hard. It's incredibly hard for kids and when school is the only stable element of a child's life and that school changes it sends kids into a traumatic situation and any trust they built with school will have to be rebuilt and that is easier said than done.

And with the changes coming also comes looking inside of myself and wondering where I go from here.  I have every intention of staying with my school as it goes through these changes, but seeing all of this happen, seeing the devastation in some of my students' eyes when we had to tell them what was happening made me sick to my stomach,  Sick of the system, sick of doing my best to make a change and having it go unappreciated by a few people who look at the numbers and not at the bigger picture of what just happened to our school community.

The fear of an arts teacher came back:  we are the first to go and arts jobs are scarce.  I know my principal is supportive of all the faculty and I should trust them but the warning from teacher education of "be ready to lose your job when changes come" kick in; it's almost instinctual at this point.

My confidence is sinking, not as a teacher but in my ability to do anything else. My confidence has grow as an elementary teacher , lesson and unit planner, and also as a leader, but I don't know if I have the resilience to stay in the classroom while managing the bureaucracy that holds kids in urban communities back.  At the beginning of the year I gave myself this year and the next to figure out for a completely different reason...now I have to add a second factor to that timeline.

Change is hard.